Monday, 21 March 2011

At home with the Gaddafi family

Please note all aspersions cast in this post are based on widely known facts and are inspired by the unreal lives of the Gaddafi family.

Supplied by Trotter's Independent Traders

The Gaddafi family are ensconsed in Muammars compound. They have just finished listening to The Archers.

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi : Hey daddy! I know what we can do with all that green cloth I bought when I was in London at the LSE.

Saif Al Islam Gaddafi : That wasn’t you that was me you idiot.

Muammar Gaddafi: You mean that junk you bought from that little b**tard in Peckham?

Saif Al Islam Gaddafi: Well, yes daddy. We could give it to the people who love you daddy. They could wear it and wave it on TV.

Muammar Gaddafi: Ok. Good boy!

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi: Waaaa! I was going to suggest that.

Al-Saadi al- Gaddafi : Hey guys any one seen my football?

Muammar Gaddafi : Little sh*t. You never could find the ball. Even when I paid all that money to U.C.Sampdoria you still couldn’t get in the first team.

Al-Saadi al- Gaddafi : But daddy I was carrying an injury.

Muammar Gaddafi : You fu**in’ will be if you don’t f**k off out of my sight.

Al-Saadi al- Gaddafi hangs his head in shame and leaves the room.

Muammar Gaddafi : Where is Khamis? I need him now!

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi: Khamis is at the front daddy though it is becoming the rear my great daddy and I won’t stand for it. I am prepared to die for my daddy, daddy. We are all prepared to die for our daddy,daddy who is the father of the revolution, daddy.

Muammar Gaddafi : Yeah- yeah! Do you remember what your name means my beloved idiot?

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi:  Erm…erm…erm…

Ayesha al- Gaddafi : You sound like Stevie Gerrard!

Al-Saadi Al Gaddafi : ( from the room next door ) I wish I did.

Muammar Gaddafi : Saif, your name means “The sword of the arabs”.

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi : Does that mean I have to fight?

Can’t I just stay here with you daddy and tell every one on the TV that all the people love you daddy and that we will die together ……….but not for a long time …daddy??

Hannibal Muammar al-Gaddafi : I’ll show you sword of the arabs daddy. It was me who beat up the cops in Paris. It was me who broke my wifes nose.

It was my wife and me who beat up the servants in Switzerland, you pu*sy Saif.

Muammar Gaddafi : Is there any more cold Coca-cola left Ayesha?

Ayesha al- Gaddafi : Nah! All gone (sob).

Muammar Gaddafi : Bas**rds!

(Continues) Ayesha would you defend me at the war crimes tribunal if it came to it?

Like you did for Saddam Husein?

Ayesha al- Gaddafi : Of course darling daddy, King of Kings.

Muammar Gaddafi : You’d like to see me swing, wouldn’t you b**ch? Just like your mother.

Ayesha flounces out of the room in a huff.

Muammar Gaddafi: ( shouting after her ) And you married that loser Idi Amin.

Al-Mu’tasim-Billah al-Gaddafi : Don’t worry daddy , daddy I am in charge of the national security and I’m only just getting warmed up. The UN doesn’t scare me daddy.

Muammar Gaddafi: No, nor me son but you scare me and I never told any one else before but, I scare me.

Saif Al Arab Gaddafi : Where shall we go for our holidays when this is all over daddy?

Muhammad al-Gaddafi: Well I am still Head of Libyan Olympic Committee so shall I try to get tickets for London 2012 daddy?

Ayesha al- Gaddafi : ( Flounces back in room ) Here is some coke daddy. Do you need a straw?

Muammar Gaddafi : No I got a rolled up note.

Muhammad al-Gaddafi : Daddy may I please kill some one today?

Muammar Gaddafi: Just shut it… for gods sake. I need to think.

Saif Al Islam Gaddafi : I’m going on TV again now daddy. Watch me daddy. Daddy watch me daddy. Watch me mewatch me!

Please FEEL FREE to write what ever you like by way of comments. It's a FREE COUNTRY....continue the plot if you like. I found it strangely LIBERATING.


Peace ( fat chance)


Anonymous said...

Wow! The pen and the sword eh?
It made me chuckle.


Anonymous said...

Ha ha. well good. satire is cool.

Anonymous said...

This is not funny at all.

Rodney Trotter

Anonymous said...

Its about time The USA and Britain learnt to keep their noses out of other peoples business.I thought your post was totally inappropriate.
Mike from Albuquerque

Jimski said...

Ha ha! Reminds me of the scribblings of that other great anti-war writer, Spike Milligan.

"A knock on the door in Nazi

HITLER: Who is zat?
VOICE: Martin Bormann, I have zer message for you.
HITLER: Slide it under the door

Sound of Bormann grunting

BORMANN: It won't go under
HITLER: Vy not?
BORMANN: It's in mein head!

Hitler goes into a fury, bites his sponge to pieces, stops when he notices Goebbels doing something which will surely drive him blind.

HITLER: Stop zat! Or I'll never go to zer pictures wiz you again.

A wafer thin head covered in blood comes straining under the door

BORMANN: I haff done it mein Fuhrer!"

Anonymous said...

Hey Mike it is not supporting any Us or Brit action it is lampooning the awful Gaddafi family. You do agree they are awful don't you.
It made me laugh any way.

Anonymous said...

I have to say I laughed out loud. Cutting and clever stuff.

Echoes of the EBB song AMERICAN BOY SOLDIER. I guess some thought that was inappropriate too.


Anonymous said...

What are you like Rodney? These people are probably eco warrior types and do all that recycling and that. You know rock music and new age. THE GREENS!
They might want to purchase the cloth we got left in the lockup. You plonker!

Tout la mange mon braves!

Del Trotter

Anonymous said...

Too weird for me......but I like the sentiment.

Anonymous said...

I would have expected better from you with you being a writer!!! Lol!! But yeah it made me laugh tho innit!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

i was gonna use that cloth to make curtains

uncle albert

Dave said...

Hi Rob found it realley funny you have a touch for it.I cant understand though how this anti Gadaffi has come about in Libya can understand from the West.I was talking to a Libyan about 30yrs ago and Gadaffi was the best thing since sliced bread he told me hed built a lot of schools and hospitals.He is also supposedley just a figure head for the people of Libya.Another point on this situation made by an Arab on last nights news was why are the west not bombing Saudi Arabia and Barhain who are also keeping the people down its difficult working out whats right and whats western propaganda.

Anonymous said...

I think the way Edgar signs off on this last post is a giveaway Peace (Fat Chance). I think it is about more than just the Gaddafi family. I think using humour to try and reach people is because using common sense and facts has failed. Well not failed but proved disappointing eg, the poll to see how many would be on the march. There are a lot of 'fans' of EBB who just like the music and remember the times fondly but I would question how anybody can be a fan of EBB and not be politically aware even on a sub concious level. Also why would you be a fan of a band if you did not agree with their politics when that band is so politically aware? How can you, for example, listen to American Boy Soldier and say 'Well actually I think that war is a jolly good thing' If I thought the Vietnam war had been worthwhile why would I listen to EBB. I think its more a case of people cannot be bothered. I think its the old 'I'm alright Jack' But you are not alright - none of us are! If you are not affected personally by the ConDems then you will surely know someone who is. Furthermore, EVERY working class person will eventually be affected by this government. Next time you go to Tesco look at what you have for the money you have parted with. When that makes you feel so ill you have to go to hospital look at how the NHS is on its knees. Look at how you are paying for everything twice, your child's education is the best example of that. Can you really ignore all this? I know I can't. Not everybody can be on the march but what can you do instead? If you are going on the march respond to the poll also tell other people you are going and most important tell them why. Every chance you get make people aware. If you work with the public use this as an opportunity to chat to them. You don't want to lose your job so don't make it overtly political there are ways. Start talking about the cost of living - get people thinking.

If you work with the public and you have to be at work on Saturday engage people in conversation "Pity I had to work I wanted to go on the march today."
"Oh what march is that?"

The conversation may end there but you will have increased awareness you will have made a valid point and contribution. If you are not working but cannot get to London get a group on your local shopping parade or somewhere with banners saying 'support for the march against the ConDems' If you are asked to move on do it politely and without trouble as again you will have increased awareness and made a valid point. Invite your local newspaper to attend - early before you get moved on.

Get your MP3 or your walkman load it up with EBB classics and lets march!

Be counted respond to the poll it takes a minute.


Be safe - be there however you can!


Anonymous said...

Well said that woman!

Anonymous said...

I understand that Daddy Gaddafi adopted 2 other children. I keep imagining being the social worker who did that family assesment! "Good enough parenting?" I don't think so.

Oh and yes I love the music, agree with the politics and will be on the march.


Anonymous said...

UN resolutions, a dictator + family, oil, an unholy alliance of ambitious western politicians, an uncertain opposition, euphoria over bombings in the early days, death of civilians, human shields, confusion amongst the coalition, regime change, mission creep. A public hanging.

Remind you of anything?

All we need now is a dodgy dossier.

Satire is fine. Read '1066 and all that', Chapter LVI.

Anonymous said...

"Where is Khamis"? A good question. Rebels say he was killed in a fire fight with them.
I say good riddance ! One down etc, etc.