Soon after all this time I will be home. I dream of meeting you at the small jetty on the edge of the Wide Meldings. My heart beat races. I am filled with anticipation and longing to see you on the shore, still waiting. How long has it been? When I look in the glass I fear you might not recognise me my love. My age is showing now. In all these long years we lived with out a thought of fading. I am cold. I must see you soon so your sweet love might warm me when we are joined. I am well though exhausted. My tiredness seems of little account when I look around at some of my comrades.
Going as far as the Tanial Spur was a mistake. No one on this expedition believes we were right to go or to do what was done. I am afraid to think of it. We are loaded with fantastic specimens. We have brought back riches of great value and knowledge beyond understanding. Our heads are full of new things that none can comprehend. The ship groans with over load and all are weary.
So many times I have thought of you beneath the star field of Sway. Do you remember when we hand lined for crabs from the jetty as children, when Iceni was young? How I long to climb upon it again and meet my sweet heart once again. I am not who I was when we first set forth. No one here is. We are so changed and some are ill with mental confusion and hearing the voices. How I long to feel the quickness of my youth and to run with you through thunders crack laughing at the lightning dancing at our skipping feet. You serious and concentrated and me laughing, leading, racing through the low-pressure ridges of The Wide Meldings. Do you remember when we paused to hang in the wind and looked down from the beacon upon the stricken phalanxes of the Praetorians? Ah! My love I do not wish to distress you but this expedition has seemed to be the greatest folly. Still if I can but be with you for one more age I will never leave your side and will be restored in your arms and in your bed. I would lie with you for eternity, still and calm in the quiet, just to have you beside me in the dark. When our demons rise we shall hold on together and give to each other, what ever we can for loves sake.
Bam says familiaries talked to him last night telling him terrible lies to make him do dreadful things. He has to be tied during the moons according to custom and for all our sakes. Some of the men are worse and endlessly gabble nonsense with out ever sleeping, so afraid are they of the dark sadness that seems to inveigle it’s way into every one of us and every thing. Many have succumbed from the strain.
I know you must feel the slowing and it is this that will allow our assignation bringing us together again, in time. I swear I will love you forever and never let you go or leave you ever again. Those that cannot support us in our union must find their way with out us. I will not be thwarted in my pursuit of our happiness together unless you should choose other wise. I come to you with much to tell and bearing special things. We will laugh and talk. We will play sweet games all day long until the sun sets. I will hold you safe against the night until dawn when we both shall fall deeply, into a dreamless sleep.
What did I do to have someone like you, fill my love with life?
How did I, somebody like me, get it so right?
What a lovely day, watching children playing feel like I must be dreaming
What did I say to make things go so much my way?
I don't think I'll ever know the answer.
If all goes well with us we shall arrive as dusk falls. Wait for me by the waters edge my love.
Your devoted servant.
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