Occasionally you see an advert on E-Bay That goes something like this :
Diawa Multi Section Specialist Sea Bass Fishing Rod for sale. I Love this rod, it’s a real beauty. I’ve been a collector of multi – piece bass rods for years but circumstances have changed and I’m never going to get a chance to use it again. WHY? it goes on - Watch out for my up coming auctions. WHAT COULD HAVE CAUSED THIS CATASTROPHE?
I made a list of some of the possibilities. This person .......
is newly married and they need the cash
has a new born child and it is time to be mature and knuckle down to what is important and to leave that 20 lb sea bass for some one else to catch (me)
is off to fight in a war no one believes in
is injured and or disabled preventing him or her from getting to a fishing mark or using the rod
has a partner who is tired of being a so called fishing widow / widower and has just finished assertive training classes
has become ill in the UK and is saving up for private health care
is a nurse at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London and cannot afford to pay the Congestion Charge. Unlike many of their colleagues who will resign, they are trying to raise enough money to stay working a little longer and give up the occasional fishing trip to Brighton
is having to pay out a large sum every month to support an elderly relative living on a state pension
is so concerned about the lack of progress of his or her daughters literacy skills they have decided to supplement her primary education with private tuition
has promised to take the kids to Florida and that’s the end of it
is tired of spending lots of good money on bait only to go days with out catching any thing big enough for dinner because illogical EEC fishing regulations and greedy trawler crews are emptying the sea
is moving to a bigger house where the loft in the roof can be converted to a flat so the Nanny can live in
I am sure any one reading this could add to the list quite easily, either from personal experience or knowledge of others lives. Some times we have to give up pleasurable pursuits and hobbies for the good of the group whether it is giving up fishing to spend more time with the family or giving up driving a car to save the planet.
On this day I am in the middle of a small crisis which is stressful. The issues raised by this are important both to myself, the band and the people I love which of course, includes the band. What is worst is that the problem is the result of outsiders actions and inaction over which we have no control. The crisis might or might not be resolved. As crises go this is not so terrible but it is one of those times when I am forced to question the wisdom of relentlessly pursuing an aim because it has always been the way. This presents a range of personal concerns and questions around how I am spending my time and living my life. Who needs me and why? What do I really need? What should I give up or give up on? How can I help and really make a difference? What might I begin to to do next? These are big questions. They are questions First Supperists are well acquainted with. I know this from reading your comments and many emails.
As I type the sun is shining beautifully vanquishing the demons if only temporarily. The sun pours in through my window not so many miles from the window I used to look out of in our flat above the rooftops near Finchley Road in North London. It was such a day when the song Evening Over Rooftops first came to mind all those years ago though it was a summers evening not a late winter afternoon. There was a similar light in my room then as now. I am thinking how good life is and how relatively inconsequential and unimportant my problems really are. It is good to know this at times of crisis and disappointment. It doesn't fix problems nor is it an alternative to dealing with them but it can help restore balance and the energy needed to fight on. In this frame of mind I am reflecting on how fortunate I am to be sitting here with food in the fridge and cupboards, to have shelter, to have my people and to know and be known to all of you. It is good to catalogue the good things we take for granted.
My life has been and still is a fascinating journey. I am grateful for my blessings most of the time but some times during crisis I whine and pointlessly ask - why me? I am extremely fortunate to have the luxury of being able to make informed choices with the potential to effect good things as well as make mistakes. There is the distinct possibility that significant change is imminent in my life and possibly overdue. I might have to give up a couple of things. I hope it has nothing to do with having to sell my favourite sea bass rod though.
The EBB is scheduled to be rehearsing again at the weekend prior to the first leg of the tour in Germany. More on all of this later. I will post THE COMPETITION before we go and leave it running until we return.
copyright e d g a r b r o u g h t o n 2007